Monday, June 28, 2010

G20 - BINGO!

In case you live "under Iraq", you missed out on quite the spectacle in my birth town of Toronto, Canada recently. We hosted some kind of leadership seminar called "G20" - the 'G' stands for 'gangsta' of course - where all the presidents and prime ministers trade information about which countries are the oiliest. In the end, the Italian guy wipes a kerchief on his sweaty head and reveals that his country is the oiliest. Then he leaves via helicopter and Obama says 'where does he get those wonderful toys?'.
Anyway, there were all kinds of protesters surrounding the event, trying to bring their causes to light. These causes included such causes as:

a)Free blood for vampires
b)Free homes for the unhomed, with hilarious hidden fees that show up when they least expect it - when they are in the bath, 'bathturbating'.
c)free packs of gums (for the gums-free)
d)Making food currency so that when people go to food banks they "make money"
e)Funding for gloryholes in trees, because trees need fellatio too!
f)End the making of marshmallows
g)Stop turning lambs into lamps! End the era of the lamb lamp!
h)Declaring Germany officially sort of forgiven for World Wars 2 & 1.
i)Signing a petition to give Tim Burton a talking to about style over substance, and aging.
j)Revealing the ending of M.Shlmaoyan movies to the public before we see the movie - if it's a neat enough ending we'll still go, but if it's irritating, we stay home.
k) Make it free to go to movies. Popcorn costs $20 though.
l)Horses get to ride humans for a change(no homo)
m)Stop discrimination against people who play MMORPGs - I once told a girl I played Everquest and she LITERALLY castrated me.
n)Start making umpires more accountable.
o)Make it illegal for homeless people not to busk.

All of these causes were protested,but nobody noticed. The evil media and the unlegitimate police state decided to burn their own cars in protest of the protesters to distract from our true causes.
What We Have Learned
Never let your guard down, and always have a hackey sack handy.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

The Last Airbender

I review the new Gem Sharmlayan film trailer.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


The A Team trailer review you've "A"ll been waiting for!

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Official Arm Statement.

Good ol' days of the right arm
I wanted to clear up exactly what happened to me regarding injuries sustained during a show my band Brutal Knights played Saturday June 5 in Montreal. Everything was proceeding fairly normally; I ventured into the crowd and wound up crowdsurfing for a bit, and then tried to head back to the stage. Unfortunately, I fell on my right arm, and it cracked, puncturing the skin slightly and breaking both bones in my forearm. Almost everybody threw up. I remained conscious throughout the experience. They even snapped a hot picture.

new style
Two plates were placed in my forearm. I stayed in the Montreal General Hospital until Monday June 7, when I was driven back to Toronto through the help of our guitarist Jon Sharron and his dad Larry. We had to cancel upcoming shows at the Horseshoe with Mudhoney in Toronto as part of NXNE and The Townehouse in Sudbury. It’s going to take awhile to get better, but it will get better. I'm going to use this rest time to work on my comedy album coming out on Talent Moat Records in September called I’m Here All Weak and Brutal Knights are releasing an album on Deranged Records in October. It will either be called Barely Regal or Blown 2 Completion.