Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I Blogged About Perez

The title says it all, except for the interior of said blog. I write columns as well as do these videos on pop culture for, and my most recent column deals with this late-night attack in a cruddy, shiny, Hellhole of a neighbourhood on a vaunted humourless, power-hungry bloggista. An attack on Perez Hilton is an attack on our way of life. Our way of life sucks, though.

Monday, June 22, 2009


There's lots of crazy times here in “tha Hog-dot”-we've got imitation SF burritos that might as well be called wraps or pita pockets; we've got stores that mostly sell gum, and of course we have 'DIY venues'. It's a whole thing here, making unorthodox places to have shows. If I weren't lazy, I'd go to the many art/music exhibits that seem to happen at midnight under deserted underpasses and abandoned mental hospitals. As it stands, I've already played too many of those in town. One of the most stupid was a punk show at a place called Cinecycle. It's a fairly mellow venue normally, but this was a massive show in 2005 or 2006, I can't remember. Clorox Girls and The Observers and our band and Fucked Up and Career Suicide and Demons Claws and The Bayonettes. It was a big one, and it was full as a rich man's tummy. To set the scene: Cinecycle is kind of like a bike garage, but instead of bikes it is filled with cinematic memorabilia. There are mannequins everywhere; reproductions of the Marx Brothers and C3PO greet you on the way in, there's a bunch of signed Fatty Arbuckle posters, and there's even a popcorn machine that doesn't work. It's a veritable museum of the history of cinema.

Unfortunately, as soon as the first band started, a fauxhawked punk and a girl with a Chelsea Clinton haircut sawed all the Marx Brothers in half with one of those big logger saws. I was like 'damn we should have frisked at the door!' Then Demons Claws put a firework in the popcorn machine, so that got wrecked. When we played it was sheer bedlam. This one guy was dressed like Tarzan and had installed ropes from the venues ceiling. He swung back and forth on them the whole time, wantonly kicking people in the head and shoulders. He made a grand exit by swinging out the back door, right into a paddy wagon! The cops beat him until he was a black guy. That's right, the cops showed up! Believe it. It was a full on nut bonkers wild time. Fucked Up came out, and Pink Eyes made a long bilingual speech about how it's important to support policemen and how much he loved them, but he totally flipped the script by ending the speech with a snarky 'Not!' as the band played their underground hardcore smash hit “Police” a record six times. The venue was literally leveled by the time it was over, and the cops had to drag a microphone away from the big singer. I was weeping from excitement. It was the greatest night of my life, and it could only happen in Toronto, the Littler Apple.

Friday, June 19, 2009

New Things 'A Comin'.

It's been almost a year but I think I'll repost some stuff up in this piece. What do you say? 'Til then, here's some of my videos...

I had a lot of fun hosting the Chunklet showcase at NXNE last night in Toronto. Now I am bleary-eyed and bushy-tailed. Also bushy front-tailed. Leaving for shave now.