Saturday, January 08, 2005

I Am Blogging to Protect The World

We bloggers are the first line of defense when the other team tries to get a touchdown with lies. We bloggers are the main key to the door that, if unlocked, will stop terrorism forever. But which pocket are the keys in? These pants have so many pockets...

I still have to see Fat Albert. I made a vow to see it, but nobody I know seems to want to. It stars my fat friend who was in Good Burger. Yes, I'm talking about Abe Vigoda's cock. It smells like 'fish'! I think having an old man's fat, white, whaley cock play a heavyset young black man is a racialist move on the part of Mr. B. Cosby.

Thanks to 'urrbody'(as Chingy maybe would say) who came out to Joke Club the other day. From my ex-girlfriend, to my fake sister, to my real sister, you were all there, and my constant need to buy a sandwich thanks you. Really, everybody managed to or came close to hilariousing the place up, and that was rad of them to try to do. The next one is tuesday, February 8th. Anybody have a good suggestion for Toronto based comics they want to see play it? So far I've got some good folk lined up, including the return of Tim Nasipolous and Mack Lawrenz, Aaron Berg and Knock Knock Who's There Comedy.

On thursday I was going to go to a comedian's going-away party at the Bovine Sex Club, but I wound up getting a phone call from concert impresario Dan Burke. My presence was needed at a "DJ what you can night", where he wanted people to bring records, and be a DJ for night. A good idea. Unfortunately, nobody came besides me, my friends, a band that was booked to play, the employees, and Todd, the old soundman at the El Mo and Tequila Lounge who's been doing sound for exercise fad band Pilate for the last little while. I got drunk. Then I had a slice of Massimo deluxe pizza. Then I found myself at this lady Joyce's house with my friends, had some rum, and barfed on her floor. So I didn't make it to the going away party. I was there in spirit, barfing.

I have a trillion shows between now and the next joke club. Here they are...the first one's tomorrow!

SUNDAY, JANUARY 9 at 9 PM I will be performing at the Rivoli alongside some very funny stuff. The Gurg will be doing sketch comedy with Paul Schuck, Levi Macdougall will be joking, as will I, as will David Dineen-Porter. The cost is pay what you can. Please consider doing the come thing for this event.

MONDAY, JANUARY 10 I will be doing 5-7 minutes at the Gladstone hotel as part of Mack Lawrenz and Sarah Hennesey's Gladstone show. It's in the middle room and free.

FRIDAY JANUARY 14 there may or may not be a show. Let's think about it.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 16 I'll be doing some time at the old york Tavern's Drink Til They're Funny 2 year anniversary show, alongside other funnies. It's free and starts at 9.

MONDAY, JANUARY 17 I'll be performing at the alt dot comedy lounge at the Rivoli. it's at 9 PM, Pay What You Can, and features a hodgepodge of Torontonian laughmakers, including Knock Knock Who's There Comedy's Aaron Eves, who funnied Joke Club with his dirty constellation talk.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 20 I'll be performing at The Drake Hotel as part of The Pontiac Quarterly, a 'live action magazine'. It starts at 8 PM and costs $10, with money going toward tsunami relief. I'm sure it will be a grand old time.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 21 I should be doing a standup comedy set at Stone's Place as part of my friend Pam's night called Pet Sounds. It should be 'funsies'. Also, I'm doinga set at Canker at the Oasis on this night as well. It's PWYC! Double doody!

SUNDAY, JANUARY 23 I'll be doing a set at a Goodie Bag TV night at Clinton's, which I believe will be $5 and start at 9. It's goin to be videotaped, so bring only your cleverest heckle.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 28 my band Brutal Knights will be performing alongside The Illuminati at the Horseshoe tavern. It's probably $10. Maybe less. Who can say?

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