Wednesday, November 30, 2005

And another one, and another one, and another one...
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No Bob Kerr on this show. But I'll be showing a video by Pauly that is good. It's called "Queen West Man" and is a larf.
DJ Wes Allen will be DJing during a set I'll do at the end, and otherwise it'll be a total rad time.
Monday December 5 I'll be at the Rivoli as part of Alt Dot Comedy lounge, and thursday I'll be at Let's Get Hot at the Oasis, featuring Chris Locke and Aaron Eves and a cast of thousands of hilarious people. Katie Crown was radically hilarious at Clinton's last night. I suddenly feel sensual. Must tend to this feeling.

Friday, November 11, 2005

The Gamey Commission


OK, so I took a little "blog break"-it couldn't be helped. I was in a highly busy period stuffed with shows and work and eating. A lot of goddamn mothfucking eating.
There were lots of shows. The Brutal Knights foray into Montreal went well-so well that we will be back on November 18 with CPC Gangbangs and The Confusers at L'Hemisphere Gauche. We should also be back in December.Also, the show at the El Mocambo with Fucked Up, etc. was killer. Really fun and if I weren't so exhausted I woulda partied like I was 20. Meaning 'with the intent of getting laid'.

The Joke Club 1 Year Anniversary show also went well, especially the first half. OK, only the first half. The second half was a gross jumble of unnecessary heckles and too many performers. I overstuffed the night and paid for it during my 'headlining' set, which devolved into me being drunk and hemming and hawing a bit too much while onstage. Oh well. Sorry to anybody whose set was unduly affected by my booking.

That's another thing-I have now taped all three sets I plan to use for my record. It's really exciting and good-feeling to have that part done. I'm gonna edit it and see what I have. I wish people had gone to see The Apes and The Modey Lemon show I played this past sunday. They both put on a grand show for everybody, and I made an Alpha Flight reference. By everybody, I unfortunately mean nobody, as the crowd was sparser than sparse. Whatever the case, my set occured and I will be using it on a record.

Even though mid-october to mid-november has been really busy for shows, I still have a few coming up. Looking way ahead, there's the next Joke Club on tuesday December 6th. That'll be good. But before then, I am MCing and doing jokes/commentary at an Honest Ed's Fashion Show this saturday.
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It should be really fun. After that it's the Montreal show I was telling you about, although I may also do some comedy wednesday night at the Oasis as part of Jared Sales' Side Show. Here's the rad poster for the Montreal show.
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Then on Saturday, November 19th Brutal Knights play The Bovine Sex Club in Toronto with openers Ugly Stick. It's a co-birthday party for the Sharron brothers, who are our drummer and guitarist. It will be 'mossif', as 'Dizzeee Rascal' might call it. It's probably $5. Tell your a-hole's friends.

Sunday the 20th of November I was supposed to do a set in New York as part of the Loner Show's visit there, but now I don't think I can go. That being said, I will be submitting video and want anybody in the area to come check out the show. Thus, here is the poster.
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I'm submitting video, and so is Rebecca Addelman and some others. It'll be good.

So that is the bullshit going down. Pretty fun stuff, I suppose.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Gourmandery versus Decorum

Today is Saturday. There is something called the Canadian Comedy Awards happening in London, Ontario, right now. I have famously and justifably referred to London, Ontario as the worst city ever. Somebody disprove me. This is your first challenge.

I'm not in London, though. I'm in Toronto. It's raining outside, and because it is the day I haven't left the house. Yesterday's album taping was really fun, and I was heartened by both the turnout and the performances of everybody else: Makesi Arthur, Kathleen Phillips and Mack Lawrenz were all really good. Thanks also to Rebecca Addelman for manning the door and to Marco Moniz for recording the whole thing.
Comedy at a place called The Bagel just can't go wrong. Now I have to prepare for this November 1 long set I'm gonna do. I want to do some of the same material but also heavily change things up. It'll also be interesting to see how tired the audience will be after all the other 18 performers have played. But sometimes tired audiences are the most pliable. Like when dogs get tired and you can just pose them in funny poses, not that I would ever consider something so unnatural.

Fuck a truck, are there some good shows coming up or not? Yes there are!
Lots. I counted and I have like 12 shows within the next 30 days. Maybe more.
Lots of em are good. I'm doing some comedy at Clinton's on Tuesday, October 25th as part of the Mr.Francis night. I'm looking forward to getting the chance to newly joke.
Then on Saturday, October 29th Brutal Knights play in Montreal....spookily. I will eat a pointe and sing the song Le High Pointe, about the 99 cent pizza shop in Montreal Brutal Knights owns(in a fantasy world of my own creation). It even has a reference to Doctor Pizza, which is an homage to my old band Teen Crud Combo's song D.P.O.D(Dr.Pizza or Die).Here are the lyrics:
LE HIGH POINTE
Pizza Pizza Pizza
Everybody loves pizza
when pizza is good
tout le monde is happy
when it is expensive
life is crappy
Le High Pointe
That's the pizza place we own
Le High Pointe
Try our brand new pizza cone
eat the fuckin pizza
til you puke, tabernac
salue the fleur de lis
tell all the other pizza
to get off your back
Le High Pointe
Cheap pizza in a french place
Le High Pointe
Extra tarriffs if you want delivery to space
Le High Pointe
I used to go to Dr.Pizza
Le High Pointe
When I wanted pizza
Le High Pointe
Now when I want Pizza
Le High Pointe
99 CENTS!
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Then on sunday is our rematch Halloween show with Fucked Up, Career Suicide, Terminal State and Pinkeye. Expect both latent and non-latent homoeroticsm. I'm fine with both.
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005

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Come see me record a record at the Bagel. let's have a dance party afterwards?
OJ guilty

Sunday, October 09, 2005

I AINT AFRAID OF NO GHOSTBUSTERS


What a buncha weeks it's been. Fall is finally upon Toronto, and it should be nice, seeing as its' shift in climate was highky gradual and preceded by some very pleasant weathers. There is an exhibit on at the Ontario Science Center where they are displaying dead bodies. I tried to go to it, but the lines were too long. It is a far distance from the place I live. Luckily, the park next to the science center made the trip worthy, as it is nice. I also saw a praying mantis. The Danko Jones show was fun yesterday. Priestess have pretty amplifiers.

I'm excited about this album recording night on Friday October 21 at the Bagel. The openers are good and it will be nice to record some jokes.

I saw the Billy Crystal one man show today, and it was good at being what it was. Meaning, it was great at being succesful.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Went and saw Neil Hamburger last night. He had me in stitches and the El Mocambo was highly crowded. I was excited. Then I DJ'd at a skate party at a skater skateboard shop. It was highly extreme. Beers, shots, wacky sound system, getting wobbly.
Obviously I went home by myself and dry heaved without trying to wake my parents. I feel like my life is a sick parody of a sitcom-I'm the 25 year old trying to pretend he's the sassy teenage son. I'm also somehow the annoying neighbour. Sometimes there's even a treacly message at the end of one of 'my episodes'. Speaking of which, I had some treacle today. I put it on a flax waffle. Then I poured corn syrup on it. It was delicious and I felt like a high society pioneer. Rammer play with a band called Usurper tonight. Maybe you who live in Toronto and like heavy riffs should go?

Speaking of 'should go', that's what I should do. Joke Club is this coming tuesday, October 4th. Here is the lineup as it stands. There were a couple of cancellations and a couple of additions:
MC Nick Flanagwar
Deborah Robinson
The Gurg
Val Flanagan
James Marshall
Aaron Eves
Pete "Michigan komik" Weiss
Pete "Michigan komik" Weiss' friend
Tim Polley
Linda Ellis
David Dineen-Porter
Will Weldon
Jeff Mcenry
Mike Balazo

with video by Adam & Dave, Brian Barlow, Rebecca Addelman & me, and episode 2.5 of Aziz Ansari and Rob Huebel's Shutterbugs.

Also, please note that Brutal Knights are opening for Danko Jones with Priestess at Lee's Palace on saturday, October 8th.
I'm gonna take a bath and then shave my balls now?

Friday, September 23, 2005

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Come to joke club!
Join the blog if you want to comment. I'm sick/bored of too many boring comments. I'm looking at you, poem-maker. Please don't turn out to be my dad.

Friday, September 16, 2005

The end of summer is dragging on forever, but it's in a good way, so I'm happy. As you may have been able to tell by the amount of needless, asinine comments in my previous "BLOG POSTS", it's time for a new "BLOG POST". Yesterday I was an extra in a Buck 65 video. It was thrilling. There's no better feeling than being part of an undertaking that parks a fully stocked craft services van right outside of noted homeless shelter The Scott Mission. It's wasn't even so much the presence of the van that caused me to laugh darkly at the situation, but the illustration on the van's side of a crazed chef wielding a knife and fork. For some reason I found that to be the most offensive/hilarious thing.

Thanks to everybody who came out to Joke Club. I showed an art video and there were few walkouts. That has always been my dream. I had a great time, and everybody who performed was really fun, especially Kathleen Phillips who closed the night with a really hilarious performance as a sock puppet-wielding foreigner landlord.

I went to the local-talent-studded Loner Show at the Oasis the other night and it was also highly good. In local comedy, I really feel that "Women a run tings". There's so many funny ladies. On a comedy messageboard I frequent, a funny lady named Jen Kirkman(aka Nurse Kirkman from amazing cartoon Home Movies, which sometimes functions as Prozac for me) said to replace the word 'woman' with 'black' when discussing female comics and to realise how jerky most folk sound when bringing up the funny estrogen-havers. But really I don't feel that in local comedy, "Black people a run tings", so it's immaterial.

Brutal Knights play tonight in Guelph with Bayonettes and Gunnar Hansen. PWYC 730 PM. 127 Grange Street. Mapquest it. Ba-boom.

Tomorrow we open for CMON, alongside No No Zero and other rad bands at the Rivoli. We'll be second on the bill out of four bands. So come early.
Also, at the Boat that night(Saturday september 17th) my friends Mike and Elizabeth are hosting a "NO BAD MUSIC" dance party. It will rule and you should dance away the pre-fall blahs. Go go go you sons of guns!

Sunday is the matinee all-ages show at the Rivoli with CMON, Whitey Houston and From Fiction. I think we're on first, and doors are at 3-so act like my favourite type of lover and come early.

We have shows in october that will rule. Joke Club's oct.4, we are opening for Danko Jones early in the month, and a Halloween show with Fucked Up and Righteous Jams is also in the works. The good times.

Monday, September 05, 2005

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There you go. That is the Joke Club poster. Will Weldon and Steve Jones are not playing. However, Levi Macdougall, The Cinnamen and Mack Lawrenz(whose birthday it will be that day) are. There's supposedly a good show afterward, so hang out after the show and we will all have a good time.

And this friday, Brutal Knights plays some wacky show in the east end. Email me if you want guestlistery.
The end of summer has been really fun in Toronto. Mild psychedelic partying, some good shows and a little bit of housesitting. House shitting as well. Luckily, no outhouse shitting. I hate that type of waste disposal.

I hope the hurricane problem somehow solves itself.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

That Time Of The Mirth

I feel funny right now. In a good/bad way. I feel a jokefulness but also a tingling.
A jokeful tingling, you may ask? Sadly, no. Just a tingling. The jokefulness is totally separate. The summer is almost over. Mine has been alright. There's been warmth.
Beyond that, Brutal Knights have shows september 17th and 18th opening up for Cmon at the Rivoli and a show the day before in Guelph.
The next joke club is at 8PM on Thursday, September 8th and before that I'll be at Canker on Friday, September 2nd. I'm also MCing a Bush League show at the social on September 7th.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

G.I Jew

That's what I feel like today; a Jewish commando ready to die before letting them pull out of Gaza. Hey I think you guys all know my philosophy: "Nuke em if you got em".
Just kidding. This middle eastern situation is just an all-around douchebag. I don't know which collection of clean-shaven/heavily bearded people I agree with less.

I am a pushover. I get a comment asking me to update my B=log, and so I do. If everybody else jumped off a cliff I would have a hard time not also jumping.
Lately things have been OK. I really have no idea how to use my life correctly, but besides that I'm fine. Joke Club last week was really good. All the acts were fun. I was gonna show a Jubal Brown video entitled Life Is Pornography but at the last minute we decided to wait until it was slightly cut. I've been sending out pitches to magazines for stories lately, but at the moment "the fish ain't bitin". Maybe sometime soon "the fish will bite".

I was around Georgian Bay for a couple of days recently. That was nice. More cottage wanted from me. There's nothing quite like swimming in cold waters while not thinking about working. I think that's how the people of the titanic also felt.

The Montreal/Sherbrooke shows were fun. I drank some guarina-infused malt liquor in a can the size of my pinky finger. It's a waste of money unless you like investing in having new subjects to discuss.

There are shows, of course. No Dynamics have always been friends and supporter-types of my jokes. They have very nicely asked me to MC their two nights of EP release shows at The Bagel, located on the south side of college street right by Spadina. The shows are $7 at the door and advance tickets are available at Rotate this for $5, I think. On Friday 40 Watt Head, Tradition and a few others open. On Saturday it's Panzram's Ghosts, Pony Da Look and another sweet band are rockin'it. They should be fun shows. Come visit.

Then on Monday August 22nd I'll be partaking in an all-videogame material edition of Standup In Alpha Zones, my friend Mack Lawrenz' bi-weekly comedic hoedown at the Gladstone Hotel. It's free and starts at 8. Plez com

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


Summer Of Ass

It's almost been a month since I last logged an entry into this weblog, and I really think my computer missed Blogspot a little bit. I found this out because when I logged onto this website this piece of text came on my screen that said "I MISSED YOU", and then the computer's voice repeated the contents of the text. I slapped it for being such a pussy. Then I slapped myself for being such a pussy and fearing death so much, but that's a bit of a side issue.

Here's some news. The next Joke Club's date has changed. It is now TUESDAY AUGUST 9TH.
Adjust your calendars appropriately. Or inappropriately. I don't really care. Really?

I'm really excited about these next few weeks. The Joke Club's lineup a week later should be pretty much the same, although Terry Clement has had to delay his appearance until september. Then afterwards I'll be doing a bunch of small performances at The Theatre Center as part of Avant-Vardeville. Come check it out; the only ones I'm not performing at are on August 8 & 9. Otherwise from the 3rd to the 13th, that's where I'll be. Also on the 13th, Brutal Knights are playing a show.

Then I'm MCing The No Dynamics two day CD release shows at the Bagel on August 20 & 21, which also sound awesome.
All of this is in preparation for a couple of shows I'll be doing at the end of the month with a couple of great comics, intended to be released for a long-awaited album. I'm stoked. OK, only kinda.

Anyway, I'll try to think of more awesome blogular activity. If you'll excuse me, I have a dick I need to abuse.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

OK look, here's the deal. Do you want the deal? Who fuckin want da deal? You do?
Ok, go to www.afikomen.ca
That's my friend Davida's website. She takes the pictures for Joke Club. Go to the website. SHE IS SO GREAT


i guess i better write something funny now, or you will find this entry useless. Does anybody realise how dimpled my ass is at this exact moment. Let's just say I'll have a Shirley Temple.


suckkkle my dingus,
Nickkkk

PS The extra k is for kool kux klan

Monday, June 27, 2005

fat times

Skinny people. I'm wearing a short sleeved shirt that really accentuates my curves right now, and it's such an exciting feeling. It's like wearing a girdle that nobody knows is a girdle but that also makes me look fatter instead of thinner. We'll be shooting a last-minute Joke Club poster picture tonight, which I'll be happy with I'm sure, as long as I've got the posters up by this weekend.

Besides that, thanks to everybody who came out to the shows on Saturday. I had a great time at both, although both were also marred by shoddiness. The comedy appearance at the Sailboats are White, Lobster Rock Tokyo show was marred by the fact I seem to have misplaced ALL of my identification while I was there. So if you find it, I'd like it.
The Adrift show on the other hand, was marred by the fact that the cops shut it down after Rammer had played merely one song, thanks to people drinking in the alley and not the show zone. This is the same kinda thing that got Cinecycle in trouble, and it's frustrating. Luckily it should be cool.

It's gonna be a bit of a busy next few days. Stop by the Gladstone tonight and the Poor Alex tomorrow if you wanna see me work out some jokes for next week's JC. Tuesday's Poor Alex thing will be opening up for Better Than Shakespeare, who've done their ting each tuesday this month. Check that shit OUT!

Oh, and thanks to anybody who came to see that play I did yesterday and the sunday before.

Friday, June 17, 2005

A Hello To Legs

Let's begin by talking about movies. I began watching Spiderman 2 a couple of nights ago and like it a lot. The nazi from Oz IS J, Jonah Jameson. As well, I liked the Bruce Campell cameo. That guy deserves the world...and more. I can''t wait to regain enough of an attention span to watch the rest of the film.

Then yesterday I finally watched Harold and Kumar goes to White Castle, and enjoyed much of it, including its Canadian filmedness. I like it when he slaps the joint.

At 3 am last night I took it upon myself to begin watching Before Sunset...and again, I really enjoyed what I saw of it, I am a sucker for the original movie, and except for Ethan Hawke looking strung out, this seems like more of the same.

Beyond movie-watching, I've been trying to write a couple of video shorts, as well as preparing for a few shows this coming week and weekend. Shall I tell ye about them?

THURSDAY JUNE 23 I will be doing two things. Firstly I will be reading half of my unfinished comedy script Fido For President at Super Pen Pals, a night of readings organised by Kathleen Phillips, a very talented and hilarious lady. She'll also be reading, along with Brian Barlow, Mike Balazo and others. The show is at the Oasis at spadina and college and it's pay what you can.

Following this, I'll be walking over to Sneaky Dee's in order to MC the Spitfires and Mayflowers CD release party, which will feautre DJs Davida n Jay. There should be bands playing as well. It starts round 9 and will have a party vibe.

Then on saturday June 25th Brutal Knights will be playing a fun anniversary gig show celebrating birthdays and the like at Adrift skate shop on Augusta. It'll be cheap and RAMMER and LEGEON 666 will be joining us. I'm sure there will also be some fun surprises as well. It should be quite the partaaaay.

That same night, slightly earlier, I'll be above the Bagel on college street across from the Oasis doing comedy at the Lobster Rock Tokyo/Sailboats are White show. The jokes are free but the crack costs money.

And don't forget Joke Club on tues. July 5th! A great lineup awaits. Levi Macdougall, Makesi Arthur, James Marshall, Kathleen Phillips and others are all planning on entertaining you. All I need to do is figure out a musical guest. I'm also thinking of having a DJ...it should be fun.

Plus I'm looking for shows in NYC July 21st, 22nd or 24th...lemme know if you have a lead or two.
I should also stress I really need work...preferably writing-based.

RIP Julie Self. I'm glad we were at least myspace pals.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Eye Article Redux
So I had a self-penned piece in the most recent eye magazine. Here is where to read it:
http://www.eye.net/eye/issue/issue_06.02.05/arts/comedy.html
(just copy and paste that link)
I was a little bummed I couldn't find a way to talk about good rooms and comics.
First of all, Alan Park mentioned a couple of people when I spoke with him-Terry Clement and Kliph Nesteroff. I've never seen the former, but totally stand by the latter. I really hope he keeps trying to entertain people. Kliph Nesteroff is from Vancouver and had a lot to do with yelly and hilarious Shecky Grey. terry Clement I have never seen, but only heard good things about. He's a comic who works a lot at Yuk Yuk's but who sounds like he's always trying new and weird stuff.

Another exciting thing is Righteous Wednesdays at the Oasis. Each show will be interesting. The first, Let's Get Hot, booked and hosted by Chris Locke of the Gurg, was great. Really fun and the comics he got were good. Plus it was PWYC. Also, Chris is a really creative and funny comic too, whose ability to bring random thoughts together into a cohesive thought-cake is neat.

The second wednesday is Brian Barlow(the other guy in the Gurg)'s Loner Show--a very unique and great show, where comics Brian picks do pieces they normally wouldn't need to, like read stories or perform monologues. It all still has to be funny, and most often is. Plus, Brian always hosts as a character and is consistently hilarious. the one on June 8th is gonna be great, too. It's jam-packed with people who are all gonna do 3-5 minute pieces. it's all PWYC.


Jared Sales, who hosts the Side Show, another monthly wednesday thing at the Oasis,puts on Canker alongside Daryn Macintyre, and their one year anniversary is tonight, June 3rd. Knock Knock Who's There Comedy, the Gurg and The Distractions are all playing, as well as Fraser Young, Aaron Berg, Joe Ross and many more. It'll be really fun and I belive it's $5. It's been a good room all year.

Comics like Makesi Arthur, Mack Lawrenz, Sara Hennesey, Deborah Robinson, and many more(but especially RANDY HUGHES-who plays Joke Club next tuesday and is an event to see) also continue to leave me happy about jokes in this city.
I'm getting tired, so I'm just gonna leave a flyer up for tonight's big show:
Cinecycle, 8PM sharp, $10:
BAYONETTES
CAREER SUICIDE
BRUTAL KNIGHTS
FUCKED UP
CLOROX GIRLS
THE OBSERVERS
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Wednesday, June 01, 2005

DARE 2 COMPARE 2
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Monday, May 30, 2005

If Wishes Were Fishes, Abe Vigoda Would Have Played A Character Named Wish, and The band Fishbone would switch names with the dog Wishbone

Tee Hee, me and my scintillating emboldened headings. Feeling emboldened, I will proceed. Life has been funnish at Camp Flanagan this spring! I've been doing my laundry regularly and taking baths. It's been like a vacation, but without the feeling of contentment, or knowledge of how to work swim trunks or a barbeque.

The Fatals were so so def good at the show we played with them a couple of weeks back.
They are France people. I've been writing more the past week. It's been fruitfulish.

I am trying to think of clever and funny examples of my funny cleverness to show off right now, but the only new joke I have is making my asshole weep...and I don't think you're ready for my weeping asshole mpeg. So we'll have to settle for a rundown of upcoming shows....


Do you live in Parkdale? Then tonight you should go to the Glasdstone Hotel , where at the newly-named Standup In Alpha Zones, my friend Mack will be telling video game jokes for the cost of FREE. You'll also get a sneak preview of some other folk to be playing Joke Club. Cheap pitchers and GTs. It starts at 10.


On Wednesday June 1st I'll be a proud jokester at The Oasis, as part of Let's Get Hot with Chris Locke of the Gurg hosting and Terrence Balazo, Fraser Young, Aaron Eves, Sara Hennessey, Pat Thornton, Paul Schuck, Brian Barlow, Jared Sales also playing. It's part of this thing called Righteous Wednesdays, which is every wednesday of the month at the Oasis, one week hosted by Chris, the other by Jared Sales, another by Paul Schuck, Brian Barlow, Chris Locke and Michael Balazo as The Cinnemen. Exciting!
AND THEY'RE ALL PWYC and at 9 PM.

Then on thursday I'm gonna try and hit up the Hot Box Cafe.

On Friday is THE BIG ROCK SHOW. Such sweet bands are playing. Here's the flyer:
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try and deny the radness. Tis impossible.


Then on Tuesday June 7th, I'm right back in the swing of things, because it is the day of Joke Club. Here is the lineup as of right now:

Randy Hughes
Mack Lawrenz
Gilson Lubin
video from TV Carnage
Sandra Battagliani
Gord Disley
Tim Nasiopolous
Joseph Ross
This dude Warren whose last name I forget
Adam B Picard
Terrence Balazo
a speech from David Dineen-Porter
MC Nick Flanagan


also DJ PRODUCT PLACEMENT is our special musical guest. This was Jeremy Finkelstein's first foray into muscial amazingness, and if you have never gotten the chance to see him before, this is that chance. LETS DO THIS SHIT.

The shows don't stop though!

June 8th is The Loner Show. it's at the Oasis and it's the second week of Righteous Wednesdays...meaning it's PWYC. It's always a great night and I'll be doing a piece at it as well.

Friday June 10th I'll be doing comedy alongside two other acts who have also opened up for Neil Hamburger, the Tuna Helpers and Daiquiri, as well as Robocopp and Boxxx, at a bar called Mega City, at 669 Queen W, west of Bathurst. It's $5 and starts at 9.

There are tons of other shows. I should be in NYC in late July too...so if anybody knows cool stuff I could joke at there, please let me know...and there are a couple of wee tours in the works too. Very exciting!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

SHOW TOMORROW
Come and see us try to play music. It should be an interesting attempt. We recently updated the website too. We took some shots for the next Joke club today, and they're funny? I heartily enjoy Beanie Sigel. Also, the movie Baaadaasss is worth seeing, especially if you've seen the movie it tells the story of--as well, it's easily Mario Van Peebles best movie, due to his overall shitty flicks. Comedy shows coming up are
Joke Club on June 7th, a show with The Tuna Helpers, Daiquiri and more on June 10th(put on by Mr.Matt Collins, no longer a single man. Congrats Matt!), an appearance at the Living Well on saturday May 28, the Old York this sunday May 22, and also I'll be DJing at a bar on sunday may 22nd as well. Such busibodiness is unbecoming.

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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

I Am An Intentionally Unfunny Meta-Comedian With Huge Balls That Are Covered In Coarse Hairs And Filled With Unbelievable Jokes


I'm trying to think of a new motto. The above one would be good if I were indeed attempting to be 'intentionally unfunny'. It's so easy to be unintentionally unfunny-why even be deliberate about it? Just let it happen. Unrelatedly, I want to thank all who attended Joke Club last week. It was a good one. I'm thinking of doing away with my 'wild card' spot in the lineup, although I have to say that watching clueless pros bend over backwards to match their personas to the Joke Club crowd is hilarfious for me to see. What do you think? Should I exercise more quality control booking Joke Club? I hate booking things. I've done far more booking than I ever expected to in my life. It was my birthday three weeks ago, but I wish it still were. Although perhaps that would cause me to age faster? Similar to drinking the wrong cup when facing the final trial of Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

'FIB'ERALS


Stupid Canada government is so stupid. They can't even not be caught for stealing. It embarasses more about Canada than even our shitty TV channels do. JOKE CLUB IS TONIGHT. Below are the set times, the flyer, and the original picture by Davida Nemiroff. I'm stoked for partay.

9: You show up.
915: You have relaxed and are ready for comedy.
930: Opening statements by Nick Flanagan
followed by:
Brian Barlow
Daryn Macintyre
James Marshall
Bob Kerr
sketch
some video
more words from Nick
Desiree Lavoie
Jared Sales
Dan Galea
Chris Locke
Deborah Robinson
Pat Thornton
Fraser Young
and then Snowy Owl will rock you til the dawn of the machine age

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Please go! Sarah Vowell book launch beforehand too. I don't know much about her, but she sounds literary and skilled. Also, let's try and get Paris Hilton to go to JC.
SHE WOULD BE GREAT IN A SKETCH

Monday, April 11, 2005

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Monday, April 04, 2005

Martinique

I've always wanted to go to Martinique, because it's the place where there are presumably martinis. I have yet to really enjoy drinking a martini, but I think if there's anywhere I could, it'd be Martinique.

Things are OK. There's a wacky amount of shows coming up. There's a rad show tonight at a skate shop/indoor park called Adrift where a buncha punkers are punking hardcorely. It's a benefit for a radio show called Equalizing Distort on CIUT 89.5 sundays from 9-12, or 10-12. I don't remember exactly when. Is good show.

Then tomorrow I'll be doing a set at a free show at the poor alex upstairs. It starts at 9:30 and I should be there every week. Please come and have fun. Last week Boyd Banks did a hilarious set. I was supposed to play a show with him at the Drake yesterday but it weirdly fell through. Rest assured that he entertains.

On wednesday I'm gonna either host and joke or do a one long set at Rancho Relaxo at a poker-themed, band-filled, PWYC show. It'll be fun too.

Then thursday is Joke Club at the Drake. I'll put up the flyer in a couple of days.

Friday Brutal Knights play at Clinton's with tonz o rad bands.

But enough of this boring listing off of upcoming events. You sit at your computer, and what you're really wondering aboot is how I am doing and if I am funny.
Well, to answer the first question, I'm doing well, but that's only because I ate pretzels with mustard earlier today, and then went for a walk. Am I funny?
Only if you consider hilarious things to be funny. Do you? Please support my one-man scene. And Oh my god, it's sad that Mitch Hedberg died. It's also sad that Neil Young had a braineurysm. Other sad thing is that only the woes of the famous sadden me.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Sweden: not a real country

Yeah, sorry guys, but Sweden isn't real. It's a false country that was invented by Jim Henson so that the Swedish chef would have a background. All that history and stuff was created by noted imagineer J. Henson. Then he was injected with pneumonia so that he would never share the terrible secret. But enough about secrets. Let's talk shows!!! There are three between now and next wednesday.

Show the first:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com


Show the second occurs on monday, March 26th. I am performing at The Side Show, which is a new show that Jared Sales(who also does the monthly live comedy digest Canker) has come up with. It's PWYC, at the Oasis, the lineup includes me, Daryn Mcintyre, The Distractions, The Gurg and more. It starts at 930.


Show the third also occurs at the oasis, on march 28th. Check it:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


I need to conserve my finger strength. See you dudes soon.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Stop the Vincesanity!

OK, I can't stay long as I have to go and buy bread very soon. However, this week there was a review of Joke Club in eye magazine, a Toronto weekly newspaper, and I thought I'd share it with you:

JUST JOKING

When faced with a gum-snapping mall rat impression so convincing as to be nearly indistinguishable from the real thing, some people can't decide whether to laugh or flee. The audience at the Drake for The Joke Club, comedian Nick Flanagan's monthly stand-up session, seemed to be caught between these two impulses.

Flanagan set the tone for the evening's absurdity with a savage impersonation of a hopelessly generic stand-up, demonstrating common foibles like the flagrant abuse of hip-hop slang in an effort to connect with the crowd. The audience seemed bewildered, laughing riotously in fits and starts. The rest of the performers had an even tougher time. Though a handful suffered from lacklustre material, even Sara Hennessy's brilliantly slack-jawed portrayal of a dopey retail employee and Terrence Balazo's inspired assaults on apathy (standout bits include a Rwandan genocide-themed roller coaster, where "you scream and scream, and then you get off and nobody believes you") scored more near misses than direct hits.

Looking as sleepy as an octogenarian coming off tranquilizers, Makesi Arthur's deadpan set won the prize for most bewildering material of the night. After that, only Chris Locke and Brian Barlow a.k.a. The Gurg's hipster-meets-dinosaur jibes could draw the audience out of their shell. Satire and irony aren't exactly new but apparently some people in Toronto still aren't ready for them.

DAVE MORRIS

if anybody reads this, let me know what you think of this 'revvy', as somebody with the mind of child might call it.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Tote Guns Ridiculous


So tomorrow Brutal Knights plays Catch 22 in Oshawa, opening up for Rammer. Then Joke Club is april 14. Brutal Knights play with Cursed and Bionic in Mtl at Sala Rosa on April 2. Other shows pending. Brain explodign must stop typing

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Indiana,let it go

Thanks to everyone who came out to or performed at Joke Club last night. It was pretty much a good time, barring the fact it was a goddam long night. The next one should be good too. I'll try to give more advance notice regarding it, if you're into that sort of thing. You can also bet that the next flyer will have a rad Nemeroff picture on it.

By the way, in case you haven't been keeping up with the rather disturbing and graphic MJ trial testimony, the most recent revelation is that while looking at a picture of a topless girl on the internet with the boy he is accused of molesting and the boy's brother, Michael uttered the hilarious one-liner 'got milk?'. Oh boy-Jehovah may not allow his followers to go to hospitals, but he certainly doesn't not allow them to be wisenheimers! On a slightly related note, I do indeed got milk.

So there's a bunch of shows for the band coming up. If any bands or people want to hook me up with a comedy spot on a show, I would love that, because I like doing comedy. So hook me up. I'll announce the Brutal Knights shows soon enough.

I do know for a fact that on Monday, March 14th we'll be playing in Hamilton at a record store called Reigning Sound with Career Suicide around 830. It's three bucks, and the address is 272 King St. W, Hamilton (Entrance on Hess St. N).

Finally, tonight you should really consider going to the BBQ show with Andre Ethier at the Silver Dollar. It'll be real fun, I bet.
But if you don't feel like seeing a show, or you want to do something after the show, come to the Queenshead bar at queen and 'bar'thurst, where I will be DJing alongside Mark J and Mikey Apples. It promises to be extremely and rudely musical. Also, beers are cheap. It starts at 10 or so.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Today is Saturday. In an hour, I'll probably be postering portions of this city, hoping to attract folk to Joke Club. However, I feel as if the image used in the Joke Club flyer was altered a little bit and looks much worse than the original. Davida Nemeroff, who took the picture, seems to think so as well. You be the judge. Here is the Joke Club flyer:


Image hosted by Photobucket.com
and here's the original(note the intended look is the cover of Patti Smith's Horses):

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
I love the original, that's all I know. hope you come to Joke club.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Back in Town

Hi. I know it's been a month since I've typed for you guys publically, and I'm sure it's been very hard. I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me and add me back to your blogroll?
Unfortunately(and similar to most bloggers), I have absolutely nothing to say. Except for these small mots:

tomorrow, thursday march 3, Brutal Knights is playing at 10PM, opening up for the Zoobombs at the Silver Dollar.

Then wednesday, march 9, is the next Joke Club. It's at 9 and at the Drake. I'll put up the 'e-flyer' soon or something. Take care.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Let me take you "higher"

by coming out and seeing me at the Hot Box Cafe tonight at the back of Roach O Rama. It starts at 8 and costs $5, I think. The Hot Box Cafe comedy night is pretty ridiculous--basically, 4-8 people go up to a super-stoned crowd that tends to respond quietly and overly judiciously to the comics. Comedy critic Andrew Clark brought it up in a review in the Toronto Star today, saying a girl named Michelle Shaugnessy had the standout response. I've never seen her, but I don't strictly judge standup by the immediate crowd response to their work. If you're capably broad, people will like you. It's just math. The best comics, to me, are those who are specific yet somehow remain universal. It's a difficult thing to be, and it seems a difficult thing to maintain as well. Silence greeting The Hot Box is not the sign of a displeased audience, that's all I know. Maybe it is the sign of an audience that doesn't value comedy as much as some think it must be valued, but in my opinion a lot of standup isn't as funny as conversations among friends, so we comedicans should all just try to be funnier than most friends, is what I'm saying. Especially Ross.
Anyway, stonedness tends to bring out the inner ice-griller in a crowd. At the same time, an onslaught of comedians is bad for anybody's soul, so I can understand their ambivalence. On the other hand, I have a hangnail. My right hand, to be exact. Whatever the case, Hot Box is a fun place to be, and at the least it is an interesting event. Moving on, we made the flyer for the next joke club. It looks kickass!!





Please also note that Brutal Knights have the show at the horseshoe tomorrow, Jan.28, and we go on at 1130. And if you miss that for whatever 'reas', you can go see us with BBQ vs King Khan at the Silver Dollar next thursday, feb. 3. 'Twill be wunnerful.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Crunkerman

Did you know there was a shoddy Anchorman rip-off southern rap comedy movie named Crunkerman? I didn't either, until I concocted the lie that there was a movie with that name. I had a late night yesterday, and today I feel gross. As well, Toronto is being blanketed with a thick layer of cold snow. As well, I have to be up early tomorrow. This means no partying tonight. Denying me the right to party is similar to denying a depressed person shoelaces. Meaning, it happens when I'm in the hospital.

The Pontiac Quarterly was cool. A fellow read his take on a series of photographs of Susan Sontag, and among other fun appearances, Lisa Gabriel read. It was kinda thrilling to just pop up in between them all. I even got to read an erotic story.

We have a show with Illuminati soon. Here's the poster:


The comedy show I said I'd be playing on sunday isn't happening, by the way.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Malt Comedy Lounge

Ho there! This blog is killing me, because looking at computer screens probably causes cancer, as does looking at or eating red meat. I do all three of those things so I guess I'm "flucked", as a creative or Canadian rapper might put it. So, remember my shows this week:

THURSDAY JAN 20@ Drake Hotel, 8PM I am performing as part of the Pontiac Quarterly. It's $10 and proceeds go to disaster relief.

FRIDAY JAN 21@ Oasis as part of Canker, alongside loads of great comics, many of whom are from Calgary because it is this lady Megan Fraser's birthday. The price is PWYC.It'll be fun.

So far this week has been alright. Performed at the Alt Comedy Lounge this monday, and it was a cold night. For some reason I really wasn't in the mindset where I could watch the other comics' acts, although I did catch a surprise performance from Sean Cullen that was pretty clever. The guy who went on a couple of spots before me was so comically gay that it seemed impossible that he was. He seemed to have brought most of the audience too, and they loved it when he called himself a 'size queen'.
Then he came backstage and asked if my belly was fake. I would have asked if his effeminate vocal affectation was fake, but that retort came to me two days later and I have no time machine, unless you count my father's eyes(they contain past regrets).
Aside from that, the show was fine, but not too alty.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

What's the deal with ducks not being lame, but lame ducks being lame? Who are these people?

Sometimes reviews I write, for whatever reason(although it could be lame duck-ism), never see the light of day. So I thought I would make you bloggenheimers privy to my private writs. Here are some:

Daysend Severance(Metal Blade)Rating:1(out of five)
Big solos and boringly screamed voice work make for an unoriginal and frustrating listen to what should be Christian rock, but strangely isn’t. Why does so much of this bullshit sound the same? At times there’s a heaviness present that isn’t found in most crud like this, but it isn’t enough. If you are ever fired from a job, this Severance will give you no consolation.

NOFX The Greatest Songs Ever Written(Epitaph)Rating:2 (out of 5)

Each song featured on this best-of also features a shitty part, whether it’s in the lyrics, the musical or lyrical concept behind each song, or the whined vox that bring to mind the billions of bands that have taken NOFX’s fun spirit and bastardized it further than the already-bastardy original ever seemed able to be bastarded. Also, the liner notes revel in the many bad reviews the band has had in the past, so this tepid review is an obvious try to get in their box set’s liner notes. My motives are as transparent as the visible man.


Vader The Beast(Metal Blade) Rating:3 out of 5

These Polish metalheads have been kicking it for almost twenty years now, but you might not notice if you picked up The Beast, their newest record, because it sounds like it could have been recorded in any chamber of Hell at any point in the history of man, as long as it was during a point when guitars existed. This contains a great deal of mid-tempo brutality with solos that start and stop on a dime. in the end, what makes or breaks this is if you can deal with the cookie monster vocals. The choice is yours.

Mr.Cheeks Ladies and Ghettomen(Legal Drug Money/Cantango)Rating:3 out of 5

The original east coast Nelly is back, and this time(as always) he’s brought his friends! Yes, Lost Boyz veteran Mr.Cheeks will hopefully use his Lil’ Kim-aided musical relevancy to pole-vault into the lofty heavens of popular hip-hop. Actually, Cheeks has stepped his game up, expanding on what was once a one-note flow and sounding pleasantly varied throughout the disc, at times approaching the go-to Jay-Z flow that many MCs these days approximate, but it’s the three Pete Rock-produced jams that help keep this musical boat afloat, as well as the overall good production and unpretentious vibe.

Dry Kill Logic The Dead and Dreaming(Repossesion Records)Rating:2 out of 5

This is super-technical stuff, filled with loud-to-quiet breakdowns and growled and screamed vocals. The songs are all like that to various small and larger extents, with a seemingly ‘90s alternative Alice In Chains/Helmet cast to Cliff Rigano’s vocals, when he isn’t using a deep guttural bellow. After 10 tracks of fairly samey but well-played alterna-metalcore, the whole production ends with No Reason-a mellow and Creed-sounding investigation of why there is no reason for things. This is fine for what it is, but a lot predictable.



Akon-Trouble(Universal)Rating:3 out of 5

This former Refugee Camp All Star(not John Forte) is a double threat, handling production on his debut album, as well as providing his gangsta R&B vox to the effort. He’s not the worst singer, with a good handling of his range and little oversinging, and the production is decent, but this is yet another 2004 R&B record that is almost tinny-sounding while at the same time coming off as a bit too polished. I suppose people polish tin all the time, so it makes sense. At the same time, Akon’s R&B is at the very least personalised, and there’s a lot of tuneage nowadays that ain’t.



Eugene Mirman Title:The Absurd Nightclub Comedy of Eugene Mirman Rating:4 out of 5


Russia-to-Boston-to-New York based jokesmith Mirman is a double threat—in that his CD also has a DVD packaged with it thus, thus threatening humour for both the eyes and ears. The album is the more involved project, taken from performances in New York and Cambridge, and they showcase Mirman’s oddball delivery and and penchant for absurdist jokes, like his ad campaign for shapes(“Square--the other rectangle”). The four short films on the DVD are also humourous, particularly his anti-pot short movie and Backdraft 2: Backdraftier. With liner notes by David Cross and a discography that apparently includes Jethro Tull’s Aqualung, Mirman has a commendable silliness.


Al Franken-The Very Best Of The O’Franken Factor(Artemis)Rating:1 out of 5

If you need to buy one compendium of topical radio comedy this year, make your own and buy it from yourself, because it will probably be better than this preachy piece of evidence that a program’s first year on the radio doesn’t stand a chance at being entertaining ,especially when it’s presenting buzzword evidence(Haliburton! Mission Accomplished! Bush is rich!) coupled with Franken’s self-importance, songs that would make funny-song king Tom Lehrer turn over in his bed, and pettily shrill gags that are terrible, at best . In fact, it could be possible that this CD’s badness is intentionally designed so that more people vote for Kerry, in order to curb Franken’s Bush material.




Duran Duran-Astronaut(Epic Records)Rating:2 out of 5

Who needs new bands when old bands keep putting out music? Imagine time froze if those who hadn’t already contributed to pop culture were not allowed to in the future. Nobody would get old, and God would finally smile. Perhaps God finally has smiled, because orginal lineup Duran Duran at least look like time froze for them, and have released a light and poppy new LP, with a glut of songs featuring what should be a welcome electro sound , but the record is generally lacking the vague creepiness that made them such a daring first love for so many schoolgirls, and also is dull. The best news: their worldly arrogance remains intact.


Papa Roach-Getting Away With Murder(Geffen)Rating:2 out of 5

Papa Roach still have that vaguely funky, dull, huge-chorused thing going for them, with some dude strongly whine-yelling(including dropping ultimate cliche line ‘I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired’) for twelve songs that will undoubtedly be featured in B-level horror and sci-fi movies throughout 2004 and 2005.Maybe just see those movies, and don’t buy the album. Or do both--it doesn’t really matter. Do what you you feel. They have a song where they mention conservative talking point ‘the death of outrage’. It must be dead-their album left me not outraged; only a little queasy and tired, particularly in the ear area.



Insane Clown Posse-Hell’s Pit(Psychopathic Records)Rating:2 out of 5

This is supposed to be the final card in ICP’s ‘occult deck of albums’ or something, but it doesn’t sound very final, but really, you need only listen to 17 ICP songs(the amount that’s on this album) and if you really need to, watch the DVD that comes with it, so if you buy it, you could certainly make it your final ICP purchase. These dude are still pioneers though-if not lyrically or thematically, there is little that is as awkwardly terrible as these two jerk clowns. Listen to this on a discman while smelling a used diaper to get the full effect Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J want to have on you.


Pillar-Where Do We Go From Here(Flicker Records)Rating:1 out of 5


Do you know why this album only gets one N? Because it’s bland faux nu-metal Christian pop rock with self-righteous vocals. It sucks the bag so badly that I am now sterile because of listening to it. On the plus side, if you learn to tolerate it you will probably get into the better parts of heaven, aka the areas with seating. Please take a vow of musical abstinence, Pillar.



Alter Bridge-One Day Remains(Epic/Wind-Up)Rating:2 out of 5

I think it’s unfair that Florida is being punished with hurricanes for being a big market for bands like Creed. So, I would say that in order to avoid more hurricanes, Florida should not enjoy anything done by any member of said now-broken up band, including this release from Alter Bridge, which consists of everybody from Creed save Scott Stapp, although he’s replaced by another guy with a shoddy keening vibrato voice that drives me nuts, as do all of the tunes. Only listen to this if you like God.


Patton Oswalt-Feelin’ Kinda Patton(United Musicians)Rating:4 out of 5

This LA-based standup and contemporary of Dave Attell, Louis CK and David Cross has released his first album; a drink-filled live show taped at Atlanta’s 40 Watt Club, and it’s as funny as the world’s funniest whoopie cushion. It encompasses numerous bits that he’s done over the years, including a fairly funny comparison between TV recording device tivo and a kid with a learning disability. His take on producer Robert Evans’ ESPN commericals is also classic. Oswalt’s quickness, funny references and hilarious wording lead to laughter that, if we all listened to the record simultaneously, would bring about world peace, or at least, a moment of peace in a quarter of the world. The least populated quarter.



Well, I feel purged. And lazy, considering this entry was a cut and paste job TO THE EXTREME!!!

Friday, January 14, 2005

Randy Mann, ultimate playa

Randy Mann went to the sto' one day and bought some rubbers. He then used them all over town, this way and that, on all kinds of people and things. The law of averages caught up with him eventually, and he knocked some poor dame up. Luckily, she won a million dollars in the lottery the day after. Unluckily, the child she had with Randy grew up to be mean and odd-smelling. That child was...COMEDY

Speaking of comedy, I have comedy this upcoming week. Last week and this past monday's recent foray into joking at the Rivoli and Gladstone hotel, respectively, promises to be almost repeated. Similar to some of the jokes told. Here are the dates. Bring a date.

SUNDAY JANUARY 16th. I'll be rocking the OLD YORK TAVERN 3rd ANNIVERSARY BRO-HO-HO-HOEDOWN alongside other laffmongers. It starts at 9, and is free. I hope they give me a special drink that gets me 'iced'.

MONDAY JANUARY 17th I'll be making my 3rd or 4th appearance since 2002 at the weekly ALT DOT COMEDY LOUNGE at the RIVOLI. ALL CAPS. It's PWYC and I think I'm on last, so show up anytime between 9 and 1045 and you shan't miss my stupid act.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 20th I'll be at the DRAKE HOTEL at a "Live literary magazine" called The Pontiac Quarterly, quite potentially reading one of my world famous erotic stories, and perhaps adding a brand new one.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 21st I'll be rocking the OASIS as part of Jared Sales and Daryn McCintyre's CANKER night. It's PWYC as well, and other funnies are on the bill. I may have other shows that night, but nothing's set in stone.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 23RD I'm at Clinton's as part of goodie bag TV. It's $5 and will be video'd, so sneak in some boos.

JOKE CLUB at the DRAKE is TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 8th. Great acts are promised. Varied and scary acts will party there. It'll be at 8 PM SHARP, maybe earlier. Updates pending.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Whatever happenned to...Morton Downey jr.?

He brutally died of cancer.

I'm brutally listening to Lagwagon right now. Not my favourite band. I think I like Wreckless Eric better. I stayed up all night last night(after comedying up the Gladstone) to write a 100 word CD review, so I'm fairly bleary eyed right now. I should let you know that my new year's resolution is 'millions of colours'.


The band has loads of shows in America's west coast in february. I will let them be known soon. I'm gonna go, because right now I blog only to blog, and that is wrong-ass.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

I Am Blogging to Protect The World

We bloggers are the first line of defense when the other team tries to get a touchdown with lies. We bloggers are the main key to the door that, if unlocked, will stop terrorism forever. But which pocket are the keys in? These pants have so many pockets...

I still have to see Fat Albert. I made a vow to see it, but nobody I know seems to want to. It stars my fat friend who was in Good Burger. Yes, I'm talking about Abe Vigoda's cock. It smells like 'fish'! I think having an old man's fat, white, whaley cock play a heavyset young black man is a racialist move on the part of Mr. B. Cosby.

Thanks to 'urrbody'(as Chingy maybe would say) who came out to Joke Club the other day. From my ex-girlfriend, to my fake sister, to my real sister, you were all there, and my constant need to buy a sandwich thanks you. Really, everybody managed to or came close to hilariousing the place up, and that was rad of them to try to do. The next one is tuesday, February 8th. Anybody have a good suggestion for Toronto based comics they want to see play it? So far I've got some good folk lined up, including the return of Tim Nasipolous and Mack Lawrenz, Aaron Berg and Knock Knock Who's There Comedy.

On thursday I was going to go to a comedian's going-away party at the Bovine Sex Club, but I wound up getting a phone call from concert impresario Dan Burke. My presence was needed at a "DJ what you can night", where he wanted people to bring records, and be a DJ for night. A good idea. Unfortunately, nobody came besides me, my friends, a band that was booked to play, the employees, and Todd, the old soundman at the El Mo and Tequila Lounge who's been doing sound for exercise fad band Pilate for the last little while. I got drunk. Then I had a slice of Massimo deluxe pizza. Then I found myself at this lady Joyce's house with my friends, had some rum, and barfed on her floor. So I didn't make it to the going away party. I was there in spirit, barfing.

I have a trillion shows between now and the next joke club. Here they are...the first one's tomorrow!

SUNDAY, JANUARY 9 at 9 PM I will be performing at the Rivoli alongside some very funny stuff. The Gurg will be doing sketch comedy with Paul Schuck, Levi Macdougall will be joking, as will I, as will David Dineen-Porter. The cost is pay what you can. Please consider doing the come thing for this event.

MONDAY, JANUARY 10 I will be doing 5-7 minutes at the Gladstone hotel as part of Mack Lawrenz and Sarah Hennesey's Gladstone show. It's in the middle room and free.

FRIDAY JANUARY 14 there may or may not be a show. Let's think about it.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 16 I'll be doing some time at the old york Tavern's Drink Til They're Funny 2 year anniversary show, alongside other funnies. It's free and starts at 9.

MONDAY, JANUARY 17 I'll be performing at the alt dot comedy lounge at the Rivoli. it's at 9 PM, Pay What You Can, and features a hodgepodge of Torontonian laughmakers, including Knock Knock Who's There Comedy's Aaron Eves, who funnied Joke Club with his dirty constellation talk.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 20 I'll be performing at The Drake Hotel as part of The Pontiac Quarterly, a 'live action magazine'. It starts at 8 PM and costs $10, with money going toward tsunami relief. I'm sure it will be a grand old time.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 21 I should be doing a standup comedy set at Stone's Place as part of my friend Pam's night called Pet Sounds. It should be 'funsies'. Also, I'm doinga set at Canker at the Oasis on this night as well. It's PWYC! Double doody!

SUNDAY, JANUARY 23 I'll be doing a set at a Goodie Bag TV night at Clinton's, which I believe will be $5 and start at 9. It's goin to be videotaped, so bring only your cleverest heckle.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 28 my band Brutal Knights will be performing alongside The Illuminati at the Horseshoe tavern. It's probably $10. Maybe less. Who can say?

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Top ten year in review

TOP TEN MOVIES I THOUGHT ABOUT ONCE OR TWICE IN 2004

1.Fart Club
2.Salsa
3.Lambada
4.Over The Top
5.upcoming The Simpsons movie
6.Rising Sun
7.Does the live episode of ER count?
8.Murder at 1600
9. Air Force One
10. Dick


come to joke club