Sunday, September 26, 2004


I'm back for some sunday internettery. I mean, I'm on the internet at other times, too, but most of the time I'm too 'occupied' to do this autobiographical BS. Anyway, it's actually monday now, and I just finished up writing some CD reviews that will hopefully wind up in NOW. I'm sick of shitty tunes, and I had to listen to many. Although the next batch of stuff I have to review contains some hard metal, so maybe I'll like that.

I was in Montreal last week, so apologies for not dropping some bon mots on thy asses. I was too busy vacationing. It was rad. I got to see the giant cross on top of the mountain up close and personal. Next time I go(which is next week) I plan on visiting the insectarium/botanical garden/bio dome--it's a very exciting thing for me, made all the more exciting by the fact my five year old U of T ID will hopefully earn me some sort of discount getting in. While in Montreal, I kept thinking it and Toronto were tied in terms of being fun, but maybe Montreal actually is more fun. I don't know. I'll need to have an acid trip there and then one in Toronto. Then I'll tell you.

I have shows coming up this week--today at Fuze Room around 930 with Mack Lawrenz and Bob Kerr making tunes, then wednesday at Cafe May as part of "Old Shoe Comedy", and then thursday at Lee's Palace hilarifying between bands at The Paper Bag Records Anniversary show, which I'll be continuing the next day Petit Campus in Montreal with them folks.

Then October 7th I might be doing a set with Jon-Rae Fletcher and the Riverat Planet Kensington, followed by L'AFTERPARTY on Friday, October 8th. Then on the 13th I'm at CBGB's with The Paper Bag Gang again(consisting of Jake Fairley, The Uncut, Controller.controller and Magneta Lane)...that should be fun. I need to set up more NY shows. Looks like november 4th or 5th I'll be with Knock Knock Who's There! Comedy at this Tim Sims theatre thing they're putting on, and who can forget that Oct. 31 Brutal Knights plays with Fucked Up and Corpusse at Sneaky Dee's for a Wavelength Halloween!??!

There's more happening but I forget for now. I'll try to update this shit more frequently.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Sunday is the name I gave it in bold, because it's the only day I really feel no guilt over sitting around and not working. Well, maybe not no guilt, but less guilt.
I took it easy last night, and feel good today because of that. Not going out on saturday nights is sometimes the best feeling of all time, next to a "little death".

Hey, check out the fan page somebody made for my friends in Knock Knock Who's There!'s such an honor for them.
I really need to learn how to properly blizog.

Did some comedy this week. Wednesday I lost a notebook that had some new jokes in it, so I did some vintage material at Hooch that I hadn't performed for a couple of years.
It was kickass, though. I had a blast. Then I played Canker on Friday, which was fun as usual. I did like four minutes of new material and then told the audience to 'lick my comedic balls' and stopped le set. Some guy from an independant U of T newspaper interviewed me using his cell phone as a mic. Canker is apparently gonna move soon, but it consistently has some pretty fun comics and a chaotic but worthy vibe. All should attend. After Canker I went to see the Sadies at their CD Release show at the Horseshoe, and they were seemingly wrapping up their set. The house music came on and I was in a state of disappointment at having missed the dudes. But then Dallas came out and announced that they'd be doing a whole other set, accompanied by Rick White and Greg Keelor--and they did. It was grandly heavy. I had a wicked time. The album is real sweet as well.

So for those keeping score on my upcoming comedyings, here they are:

Monday, Sept.20--Gladstone Hotel--I'll be doing 5 minutes or so at Mack Lawrenz' open mic.

Wednesday, Sept. 29--Cafe May on Roncesvalles--PWYC--I'll be doing a set at "Old shoe" comedy.

Thursday, Sept. 30--Paper Bag Records Anniversary show at Lee's Palace--$10I'll be doing mad jokes throughout the night, in between sets by The Uncut, Jake Fairley, Magneta Lane and Controller.controller.

Friday Oct.1--Playing at Pop Montreal with the Paper Bag gang.

Friday Oct.8--L'Afterparty, featuring Me and Gilson Lubin doing long sets, DJ Chico providing tunes, and appetizer sized stand-up appearances by Joe Ross, Makesi Arthur, Deborah Robinson, Jared Sales, Mack Lawrenz, Daryn Mcintyre and more. PWYC--half the proceeds are gonna go to an animal charity...does anybody know of a worthy animal charity besides the humane society?

Wednesday, Oct.13--At CBGB's in New York with Paper Bag as part of CMJ.

Friday, Oct.15--In Montreal opening for Neil Hamburger, hopefully.

Brutal Knights might be playing with Career Suicide a week today at Planet Kensington. And we're coming to montreal and ottawa on November 26 and 27.

Finally, I just wanted to say that I picked up the Don Rickles album Hello, Dummy! and it is a must-have. Hilarity at the expense of all ethnicities. He is funnier and balder than me.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Shitty Tunes Are My Life

So I review albums to make some extra change. But 99% of what I get is shit, and sometimes I don't even feel comfortable writing that in my reviews, because I feel a need to be 'objective'...for instance, right now I'm listening to Alter Bridge's debut album, One Day Remains, and it sucks balls so hard that the balls are crushed by the huge vacuum created by the album's sucking. These dudes used to be Creed, but they got rid of the drunk guy. What a bullshit album. But on the other hand, it is perfect for anybody who gets introspective once a year, but otherwise only works and jacks off. AKA Dubya.

I was really aggravated when I began blogging a moment ago, because I am a simpleton at this blog bullshit. I need to learn how to link to things I like and keep them up there, because there's lots of websites I'd like to advertise. Maybe sometime I'll just do an entry that's a short listing of them. I still need to update my website. Look, I don't want to fucking blog anymore today. I'm already useless enough. If I write anything else today I'll just feel like even more of a pointless person. But here are two shows where I will say funny things and not be the douche I seem to be today, or at the least, I'll be a hilariously exaggerated versh of the douche I seem to be today.

Wednesday, September 15--Hooch Above Gypsy Co-Op at Queen and Niagara--Stand Up at a comedy open mic. Free and shit. 9 PM

Friday, Sept 17--Performing at Canker at Gorilla Monsoon's. Free. Other performers include Jared Sales, Daryn Macintyre, Makesi Arthur, Joseph Ross and James Marshall.

Thursday, Sept 30--Doing comedy at Lee's Palace throughout the Paper Bag Records Anniversary Show featuring Jake Fairley, The Uncut, Magneta Lane and Controller.Controller...looking forward to this. I'll be playing with these bands on Oct 1 at Pop Montreal and Oct 13 at CMJ as well. Hiyoo. He--check out the forums on anonymous somebody says they're bored of my dick n' pussy jokes. But how can this be?!?!??!?!?!?

I've drank coffee today and it's made me terribly anxious. Oy,here's some more of my tour diary:


This happened over two months ago and I no longer remember any of it. We arrived in New York the day after Providence, RI, and the drive back was brutal in the period we spent waiting just to get back into the city. But then we went to our friend Dara's house, where we were staying during our return visits there during the week. I'm sure we drank, and a terribly crappy pot roach fell out of one of my older comedy books, meaning I could have been stupidly busted at the border. When I smoked it I couldn't tell whether it was weed or tobacco. Or if I got high. I had big plans for after the Brooklyn show--I was set to meet up with an internet magazine editor and meet comics at The Comedy Cellar. It wound up not happening, but the show at Brooklyn club Southpaw went awesome. I did 25 minutes and had benefited greatly from having done three long sets the last few days of the tour. I was quite happy with it, even if there were few people who saw me rock that shit in the crowd. Then we went somewhere afterward and had some drinks, probably. At some point I pissed.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Lamin' It Up, a way of life for me

At some point this year I just cooped myself up in my house and tried not to leave; a fruitless goal, considering I always have to leave my fucking house--I mean, it's not like I have a machine that produces sausage mcmuffins(no egg) up in this piece, so I have to leave at least sometimes. Not to mention these comedy shows, shows to review, and band practices etc. that also force me to leave house. But anytime there's a show or event or fun thing--fun time or not-- unless I can get the gumption up, I do not go. I bring this up because there was a show last night I was on the guest list for that I wanted to go to, but didn't, even though it's a group(M.O.P) that I've always loved. Whither laziness?

I don't even really have a reason to be on a computer right now. I'm listening to an album for the purposes of review, but think about it, I could be pumping it from a ghetto blaster away from this bullshit internet device. But instead I'm here, internet chatting with one of my friends who doesn't live in the same city as me, listening to this album and "blogging".

Hey! I have a show tonight! $5! "Gentlemanfest"--a Ladyfest Fundraiser. I'm MCing, and performing are Femme Generation, Sour Keys, The Pauls and The Sass, with DJ Captain Easychord. It's at the Gladstone Hotel at 9 PM, and it's allllllllllllllllllll aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages.

Recollections pending.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

These salad days haven't been properly washed and are covered in grainy dirt and shitty tasting dreams and expectations

So I'm listening to the new Terror Squad album right now. I'm not sure about this Fat Joe character. Not the finest rapper in the land. Especially in the looks department.
This weekend I passed up a totally rad trip to a cottage(what would have been my first such trip of the year), but my choice to stay has so far paid off this weekend.

Thursday set a nice precedent. My friend Kristy decided to move to England, and so her friend Carissa organised a suprise show for her at the Silver Dollar, with me MCing and performances from Jim Guthrie and a Ramones cover band. It was a total blast and Kristy seemed to be happy that the show was occuring. Mass partying occurred then and thereafter, into the wee hours. I didn't boff myself that night.

Friday I did nothing but watch a half-episode of the Sopranos, rebuff a cottage invite, and catch the last 25 minutes of Rocky IV. They should have called it 'Rocky HIV', because it is death-inducing in its stupidity. And it shouldn't exist. Nonetheless, I felt like a better American having watched it. Am Canadian though.

Yesterday was fine times, because my friend Andre got married on Ward's Island, so I took the ferry over around 8 and walked into a very fun reception in the closest thing to woodland I've been near since the time I saw a picture of Paris Hilton's vadge, which was earlier today. And right now too. I drank and I ate and made merry and congratulated the couple, and then we drank at this bar called the Rhino. Fly Like An Eagle began to play within the confines of the bar, and I was so happy because no song has more meaningful lyrics than that particular choice cut of '70 grade A prime beef.

Then today I went on a picnic, and at the moment should be working on stuff for NOW but am vaguely putting it off. Here's some shows I will play soon:

Monday, September 6--Gladstone Hotel, free. At 10PM alongside comedians like Sarah Hennesey and Mike Balazo for Mack Lawrenz' birthday.

Thursday, September 9--Gladstone Hotel, Gentlemenfest, a ladyfest fundraiser featuring Femme Generation, The Pauls and MC'd by yours truly.

Wednesday, September 15--Doing some time at Mike Sheer's comedy room @ Hooch, above Gypsy Co-Op circa 10 PM. It's free and fun.

Friday, September 17--Performing at Canker with Jared Sales & Daryn Mcintyre, Joseph Ross, Makesi Arthur and more. PWYC and it'll definitely be a fun eve.

Wednesday, September 29--Cafe May with Sarah Hennesey and others. It's located at Roncesvalles and Dundas and will be free or PWYC.

Thursday, September 30th--MCing the Paper Bag Records Anniversary show at a venue TBA, with acts Jake Fairley, The Uncut, Magneta Lane and more.

Friday October 1--MCing the Paper Bag Showcase at Pop Montreal. More info TBA.

Friday October 8--L'Afterparty 3--the charity edition. How better to celebrate 'the month of Satan', also known as'October', than to give the proceeds to my huge comedic blowout to charity? There is no better way. I've done tests and there just isn't. This one will be at Rancho Relaxo again.

And this month hopefully I'll make some serious headway in getting my August 25
L'Afterparty performance edited for it's upcoming DVD release. It was a 35 minute tour de farce so hopefully I'll have a good product for all of you who will want to see this shit.

Does anybody want me to write more recollections of that July tour?