Saturday, June 05, 2004

Saturday Night

Yeah, so I'm here and it's saturday night, and I didn't really leave the house. A strenuous practice has strained my vocal cords somewhat, and in true typical bullshit life fashion, I have a play to perform tomorrow. Either I'll need to scrounge up an understudy or I'll sound a lot like Kathleen Turner circa the part in V.I Warschowski where she hits the bottle again.
I watched saturday night live tonight and found two things funny. It was sad. Later on, there was a Norm Macdonald-era episode and I yukked majorly during his update.
My friend Steph is sleeping on a futon here by my computer. She's visiting Portland this week. What a lucky dame.
So this week was pretty good. Did comedy twice. Partied a myriad of times. And now on a saturday night, I decided the right thing to do would be to binge eat and then watch CSI with my friend.
I'd never seen CSI before and liked it, but afterward I was left with the ultimate feeling of having wasted my time on something that doesn't love me. Also, today David Caruso's face reminded me oddly of recently deceased Canadian press icon Brian "Brock" Linehan. It odded me out.
I've got a bunch of work to do this weekend and a ton of other stuff to do as well, and the shit is freaking me out. I lost a piece of paper that contained my detailed plans to become a celeb. It was all laid out. Now I have to resort to plan B: blow everybody.

Hey! It's checklist of my past week time!

1. Saw Mean Girls-check
2. Boner for one quarter of the cast-check
3. Movie worth price of admission-lack of check
4. Movie enjoyed by people who went to movie with me-check
4. Others' enjoyment of movie triggered inexplicable resentment on my part-check
5. Performed comedic impressions onstage-check
6. Impressions impressed- not check
7. Impressions tolerated-check
8. Told outdated jokes to lesbians-huge check
9. Impressed lesbians-uncheck
10. Milos Kundera-Czech
11. Circumsised units on dudes-not Czech
12. Listened to Kid Rock's album Devil Without a Cause twice-Check please!
13. Enjoyed album and felt justified in supporting Kid Rock--triple check!!!

I'm gonna go listen to Gene Simmons new solo album, Asshole.
The bio that I read says the album is a genre-buster, including 'neo psychedelia, beatlesesque pop, thrash, rap, and even power ballads'.
Yes, 'even power ballads'.


Anonymous said...

Reagan died on Saturday too.

Flans said...

Did he ever! And how!

Anonymous said...

dude, you make me laugh so much. you are the white blood cell neutrofils to my cancer. thanks.

Flans said...

I will fight the cancer that is life with funniness as much as I can. Mind you, most of the time I'm sleep.
But when not slumbering, I am the guy who stabs cancer with laughs.

Anonymous said...

thanks dude, hopefully see you for wrestling at mike tonight for BAD BLOOD!

-the other guitarist

Flans said...

Yeah, it would've been nice to see Bad Blood, but as they say, 'life got all up in my ass'. The good news is I'm not pregnant.