Monday, May 17, 2004

I, Douchebag

Weblogs are strictly for douchebags. So, is it a coincidence that I have one?
Sadly, no. I, douchebag.

To wit:

1. I have slapped a girl before. That's a technical foul!It definitely goes in the basket filled with reasons why I'm a douchebag.

2. I can't hold my alcohol.

3. I'm a music critic. Case closed! The only thing more douchebaggy than being a music critic is being a white musician. Wait, I'm that too. Huge douche.

4. I claim to be a white musician and yet I know not how to play any instruments. Basically, my musical training consists of knowing how to count. Also, not white but half Jewish. I think that renders me some sort of mulatto!

Commentz or questionz?

3 comments:

PEE ON ME said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
PEE ON ME said...

(1) Nick, is it weird being such a high profile celebrity? Subquestion: Do you get more ass because of your intense superstardom?

(2) Are you concerned about important issues like date rape and pesticide control?

(3) Is racial profiling REALLY a big deal?

(4) You're half Jewish AND you slap girls?!?! Can we skip all the courtship stuff & just get married?

PS: I am the winner! I like my lemonade on tha rocks baby.

Flans said...

Excellent Q's, POM. To answer them requires a blow by blow:
1.is it weird being such a high profile celebrity?
Not so much. Due to living with my parents and being broke alot, and feeling such a sense of shame about the quality of most that I do, I rarely feel like a celeb. I actually asked a wise friend where he thought my celebhood was at these days, and he said 'Just a little below Steve Kado'. I need more than that.


Subquestion: Do you get more ass because of your intense superstardom?
This is the perfect time to ask any willing ladies to email me ass pics.

(2) Are you concerned about important issues like date rape and pesticide control?
The former, yes, because it seems like most successful celebs date rape at least once, and I'm definitely scared of doing. I'd ask JFK jr. for advice but his rapey dick and dick-controlled mind have long since decomposed. I think pesticide control is important but gay.

(3) Is racial profiling REALLY a big deal?
Without racial profiling sports teams would be so much less talented.

(4) You're half Jewish AND you slap girls?!?! Can we skip all the courtship stuff & just get married?

OK, as long as you realise that for every moment I'm not making a racy/over the top social comment, I'm annoyingly verbalising my depression over the repercussions of making such a comment. Also, when I'm nervous I chew my balls.


Hope that clears the skin of your wonder up!